KOKO UK

This year is going to the best year for music, ever. It's going to be a real doozey. There will be, before the end of the year at least three or four new music movements to get involved with. At least three new genres will appear, one will bravely mix dubstep with old English acid folk music.

There will be, before April a new Elvis, there will be, before June a new Aphex Twin, there will be, before August a new Michael Jackson and the remaining year will be the most exciting count down to the Xmas Number One since Gary Glitter got into a drunken brawl with East 17.

In 2010 people will stop downloading music for free and send money orders through the post to all the artists they ripped music from. The same listening public will only want to hear new releases on cassette, vinyl or eight track cartridge. Busking will finally be banned everywhere, when a law is passed that states using an acoustic guitar on a public highway will result in serious prosecution. Squeeze boxes and Saxophones will also finally be banned worldwide. No one will watch crap talent shows on TV, instead they will all form their own avant garde noise bands and hope for a review in Wire magazine. Yeah, 2010 is going to quite a ride.

Ted wearing earphones and a full face helmet.